This Cruel Love (A Dark Hearts Stand-Alone Novel Book 2) Read online

  I started to daydream, thinking about what my life would be like in six months. I was going to be Mrs Wright, and I couldn’t wait. A slight twinge of sadness hit my fluttering tummy, as I thought about my parents and how they’d been against us from the start. I don’t know why they disliked Justin. What was not to like? He was the most popular guy in our school. He came from a respectable, wealthy family and he was smart and funny. I thought maybe they were just reluctant to let me grow up. They didn’t seem to have the same aversion to my older brother, Travis, and his girlfriend Cassie getting engaged last year. In fact, they’d welcomed her with open arms. According to my mum, Justin wasn’t right for me. Maybe they thought I was settling down too soon. Whatever they thought, they were wrong. Who’d appointed them the experts on my love life? Not me. They didn’t know what we were like together when we were alone, when I was in his arms. I loved him and he loved me. So I wasn’t going to let their lack of support affect how our relationship progressed. I would marry him. I would move on with my life and become Mrs Wright, whether they wanted to be a part of it or not. I so hoped they wanted to be a part of it.

  They seemed to have short memories, my parents. Grandma never did like my father when she was alive. She always said he wasn’t good enough for Mum. She even went so far as to say that the only good thing my father ever did was have me and my two brothers. My parents hadn’t learnt from Grandma’s mistakes. No, they’d just carried on her mantel for ostracising a man from outside, who dared to come into our family and make a mark. Hence the reason I was moving into Justin’s studio apartment to prepare for the wedding, as opposed to going back home to them. It wasn’t worth the stress and arguments our relationship caused.

  Finally, the train slowed down as it made its ascent into the station where Justin would be waiting for me. I grabbed my bags and bustled my way down the aisle so I could stand at the doors and be the first off the train once it came to a stop.

  An old lady smiled at me as I bumped past her.

  “You’re eager, love.”

  I couldn’t keep the smug smile from plastering itself all over my face.

  “I haven’t seen my fiancé for over three months.” I shrugged. “So yeah, I’m eager.”

  She chuckled to herself, no doubt lost in private thoughts of her own reunions of yesteryears. The train ground to a halt, and the lights for the door release finally glowed ‘open’.

  I sprang out of the train and onto the busy platform. My legs strode forward as I headed towards the exit we agreed to meet under. Then he was there, and my breath caught in my throat. He was thinner and paler than when I last saw him, but he was still beautiful and deliciously mine, with his floppy blond hair and drop dead sexy smile. He scanned the crowds to find me, and when his eyes latched onto mine, I saw the fire ignite behind them. I loved that look on him. The look that told me he loved me, and would do anything for me. Before I knew it, I’d stopped still, and he was coming towards me with a massive grin on his face.

  “Jesus, I’ve missed you.” He grabbed me into a bone-crunching hug and buried his face into my hair, breathing me in as if I was his oxygen.

  I closed my eyes, losing myself in the magic of the moment and gasped back at him, “Yeah, me too.”

  We stood embracing like that for a few minutes, lost in our little bubble. Then the bumps and shoves of the other passengers around us pulled us out of our reverie, and back into the now. Justin stepped back and took in a deep breath as he looked into my face, studying my eyes, my lips, everything.

  “Have you been waiting long?” I asked, suddenly feeling nervous and on edge.

  “About four years, give or take,” he joked, and I smiled as the nerves flew out of me as quickly as they’d appeared.

  “Well, no more waiting for you, handsome.”

  I reached up on my tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips, which he returned with a much more passionate response. He gripped my face in between both of his hands and tasted me like he’d been starving for months. I’d been starving too, and I couldn’t wait to get back to his apartment and show him just how much.

  “Where are you parked?” I glanced up expectantly at him as he rocked back onto his feet and broke eye contact with me.

  “Erm… my car is off the road at the moment. I was gonna call a cab. Is that okay?”

  He started fidgeting and looking uncomfortable. Maybe it was embarrassment? I couldn’t tell. I wasn’t bothered about his car though. I just wanted to get out of this station and get on with the rest of our lives.

  “Come on then. Let’s get out of here,” I replied, grabbing his hand and weaving my fingers through his as I gave him a sexy look.

  His smile smouldered back at me, as he no doubt contemplated what was to come the minute we fell through that front door of his.

  “Lead the way, beautiful.”

  “So, waffles or pancakes for breakfast? What d’ya think, baby?” Justin tapped his fingers on the fridge door and sighed. “I need to go out for it though. I’ve got zero stuff in here to cook for you.”

  Justin stood with his back to me, peering into his fridge as if food would magically appear if he stared long enough. He wore black boxers and nothing else, and although I was hungry for more than just food, looking at him, I could see he’d gotten skinnier. He looked like he needed a decent meal and some sun on his skin. He was pale, and his eyes didn’t have the same sparkle to them that they usually did. Instead, they seemed dark, sunken and somewhat lifeless. Good thing I was finally home to take care of him. He looked like he needed it.

  I walked over to stand behind him and snaked my arms around his warm body. Cuddling him close to me, I grinned to myself, thinking about all the ways we reacquainted ourselves with each other last night… and again this morning.

  “I don’t mind what we have. I could pop out with you and we could eat out this morning if you like?”

  I felt him tense slightly under my grasp, and then he blew out a breath before he said, “I kinda need to run an errand on my own this morning. I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone. Is that okay?”

  He didn’t turn around to gauge my reaction, just held himself in place as I frowned at the back of his head. What private errands did he have to run? We didn’t keep secrets from each other, we never had. But I wasn’t about to start arguing on our first morning together, so I brushed it off.

  “Sure, no worries. I’ll take a shower while you’re gone.”

  He groaned and turned around in my arms then pulled me closer into his chest. “Not fair. I wanted to shower with you today.”

  I laughed and pulled away from him, patting his chest. “But you have important secret errands to run, so… better get going, handsome. Don’t be long though. I’m looking forward to my waffles, and whatever else you’ve got in store for me today.”

  Justin lurched forward and grabbed me, kissing me so hard he made my lips ache. He ran his hands down my back to cup my ass under my short, silky nightie, then he lifted me onto the kitchen counter.

  “You won’t be leaving this apartment when I get back. Not for a very, very long time.”

  “Better get lunch and dinner when you’re out then too,” I teased, and jumped off the counter. I headed to the bathroom, giving my hips the best, most seductive sway I could muster.

  Five minutes after Justin left, I heard his mobile ringing from the living room. When I went to look at the display to see who was calling, I didn’t recognise the name. I didn’t give it a second thought though. Justin and I had been in a long distance relationship for over four years. There were bound to be facets of his life I wasn’t familiar with yet. I wouldn’t dream of answering his phone when he was out. I was never ‘that girl’. The one who has to look through her boyfriend’s phone for peace of mind. I trusted Justin with my life and I always would.

  So I picked up his phone and put it in the middle of the coffee table, where he would see it straight away when he got home. I hoped this Ed character wasn’t planning
on monopolising any of my man’s time today, though. I had plans of my own for him.

  About an hour later, the door to the apartment flew open, and Justin stalked in looking decidedly pissed and minus any tasty goods.

  “Did you eat my breakfast on the way back by mistake?” I joked, hoping he’d have something hidden away for me.

  He held his hands out at his sides and shrugged in a dazed and confused way that told me food was the last thing on his mind. Something was going on with him, and I needed to know what it was.

  “I’m so sorry, babe. I completely forgot. I’ll go back out and get you something.”

  He went to leave, but I darted across the room to block his path.

  “No, don’t. It’s fine. I can take another look in the kitchen and see what I can rustle up. Failing that we could… order in?” I looked up into his eyes pleading, hoping I could settle the jittery nerves he seemed to be battling with.

  He smiled back at me, but he looked exhausted. I was starting to get nervous myself. What was up with him?

  “You left your phone here. I wasn’t snooping or anything, but you had a missed call.”

  He wasn’t listening to me. Instead, he was pacing the living room and looking agitated.

  “Who’s Ed?” I asked.

  At the mention of the name, he stopped dead in his tracks and glared at me.

  “Did you speak to him? What did he say to you?” His irritation was escalating now and I didn’t like it one little bit.

  “No,” I spat, feeling slightly hurt that he’d even question me. “I already told you, I let it go to voicemail.”

  He nodded, muttering, “Good, good,” under his breath, as he rubbed his bristly chin, deep in thought.

  “So? Who is he?” I pushed. I was determined to get some kind of answer from him, seeing as this man’s name had such a profound effect on his mood.

  “No one,” he snapped.

  “Yeah, right.” I put my hands on my hips and pierced him with my stare, daring him to challenge me. “So next time he calls, I can answer it?”

  “Hell no!” He launched himself across the room to stand over me, his nostrils flared and his eyes darting over my face, as if he was accusing me of something I hadn’t even done yet.

  I stood on my tiptoes, meeting his gaze to show him I meant business too.

  “Then tell me who the hell he is, and why you’re starting to sweat talking about this.”

  Sensing I wasn’t about to drop this anytime soon, Justin wrapped me in his arms and whispered, “Baby, let’s not argue. It’s just some guy I know. He was probably ringing to see if I was up for a drinking session today or something like that. I feel on edge today, that’s all. I’m sorry.”

  “No. I don’t buy it.” I pushed away from him and went to stand by the window. We’d built our relationship on honesty, transparency. I wasn’t about to compromise that now, not for anything.

  “Fine,” he huffed, exasperated, and sank down onto the sofa.

  He sat with his head bowed, running his fingers through his hair and failing miserably to hide the internal debate he was having with his conscience.

  “Shit,” he cursed. “Ryley, come sit down with me. I think there’s some things I need to tell you. I haven’t been completely honest with you lately.”

  My stomach fell to the ground with dread. Oh God, what was he going to tell me? Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be good; I could gather that much.

  I took a fortifying breath and turned around to face the music. He was hunched forward and his hands were dangling loosely in-between his knees. That’s when I noticed how badly he was shaking. Why was he nervous? What the hell was he going to tell me that’d make him shake like that?

  I sat down next to him and turned my body to face his, but he stayed facing forward and blew out an unsteady breath.

  “I need you to keep an open mind, okay? Can you do that?” He turned to look at me with sheer dread painted across his beautiful face.

  “I can’t make any promises, Justin. Not when you’re looking at me like that.”

  He leaned forward again and ran his hands over his head, then grabbed my hand to hold in his as he spoke.

  “I’ve fucked up, Ryley. I’ve fucked up big style, babe.”

  “What have you done?” I tried to pull my hand out of his, but he wouldn’t let go of me.

  “I missed you so much, and everything was just-” He sighed with such despondency it tugged at my heart, but the nauseating dread still crept over me like ice freezing in my veins. “Everything was dull, less colourful. I didn’t feel like I could get through each day without you.”

  “Is there someone else?” I had to ask. I didn’t want to, but I needed to know.

  “No! Jesus, no. Ryley, there’s no one else. There never could be anyone else. I love you, baby. I love you too much sometimes. That’s part of the reason I struggled. Why I’m here right now, like this.”

  “Spit it out, Justin, because I have absolutely no clue what’s going on with you. I’m freaking out here.”

  He squeezed my hand tightly in his and played with my fingers as he spoke.

  “I’m so sorry. I missed you, and I was struggling with shit. Nothing was going right for me so… I started… taking stuff to… you know… to dull the pain of life, make things more bearable.”

  I gave him no choice this time. I yanked my hand out of his and stood up, towering over his pitiful frame. As much as I loved him, I couldn’t condone this.

  “What the hell, Justin. What are you taking? How long? What the fuck is going on with you?”

  I couldn’t take it in. Was he some kind of junkie now? Well, he had the sallow skin, the dead look in his eyes. He was sweating like a pig and shaking like a leaf, so I guess I already had my answer.

  When he spoke next, it was with a quiet, weak voice.

  “I do coke, smack, pills. Anything I can get my hands on, really. I don’t know what else to tell you other than the truth, babe. Ed, the guy who rang, he’s my dealer. The man he works for is chasing me for money… a lot of money. I’m so sorry. We don’t keep secrets from each other, and I can’t keep this from you anymore.”

  I felt like I’d been shot in the heart with a bullet the size of a boulder.

  “I thought we didn’t do secrets, but obviously, you do. I don’t know a lot about drugs, Justin, but I know enough to realise this isn’t a new occurrence for you. How long has this been going on?”

  I stepped away from where he sat and went to the sofa opposite to get some distance between us. This was a hell of a lot to take in.

  “Six, maybe eight… months.”

  I gasped. I’d had no idea. How could I have not known? How had I not seen this before?

  “How bad is it?”

  He looked up at me now, and the lost boy sat across the room from me tugged so heavily on my heart strings. I couldn’t stop myself from going over to him, to kneel in front of him.

  “How bad, Justin? I need to know what we’ve got ahead of us.”

  He huffed out slowly, then gave me a sad smile, stroking softly down my cheek with his hand.

  “So there’s still an ‘us’?” he asked, with tears glistening in his eyes, ready to fall.

  “There’ll always be an ‘us’, Justin. That’s non-negotiable.”

  I leant into his hand. The familiar warmth helped to ease some of the pain that was drowning my heart.

  He sighed, then spilled the extent of his, or rather our, predicament. Justin was skint, broke. Worse than broke, he was in some serious debt to some very scary and dangerous people through his drug habit. A habit that’d cost him his car, his trust fund, and every friend he had. His family had disowned him, and he was living each day one hit at a time, apparently. The only reason he still had the apartment was because it was in his father’s name. He couldn’t cash in on it, which was a blessing in disguise. At least he had a roof over his head.

  These people he owed money to were breathing heavily do
wn his neck and demanding their next payment. I asked what’d happen if he didn’t pay, but Justin assured me that was a road I didn’t want to go down. I suggested asking my parents for help, seeing as Justin had exhausted every option he’d had to find the money to keep these people happy, but Justin refused. I was secretly relieved, because I knew my father would say no anyway.

  “Could you get access to any of your money?” Justin asked, referring to my parents’ trust fund, and the money my grandma had left me. He knew as well as I did that my father had locked it all down. I wasn’t seeing that cash for a few years yet.

  “Not until I’m twenty-five.”

  Justin’s eyes started to dart about erratically, as if he was thinking of a new plan.

  “How much could you get now?”

  “Maybe a couple of hundred at a push, why?”

  “Could I borrow it? I swear I’d pay you back.” Some of the sparkle was coming back into his eyes as he spoke. It wasn’t lost on me, and I’d have done anything to keep it there.

  “You don’t have to pay me back, Justin. It’s yours.”

  The relief, albeit temporarily, ebbed out of him as I said this. I don’t know why he’d ever doubted me. I’d have given him my last penny if it made him happy. He was my whole life.

  We walked to the bank to withdraw the cash, and instantly, without a second thought, I handed it over to him.

  “Where to next?” I asked, but he shook his head.

  He was adamant that I should leave him to sort out his business and meet him back at the apartment. Why would I argue? He was off to see drug-dealing loan shark types who were violent for fun. Not my idea of an afternoon escapade.

  How wrong was I? Hours later, he fell through the door stoned, high, totally out of it. He’d spent the last bit of cash we’d had on drugs, and to hell with the men chasing him for their money back. I was fuming. Beyond fuming, in fact. I was ready to kill him myself.