Forever Yours Read online

  “So what do you want to know?” I asked quietly.

  “How about you start from the beginning. When did you find out you were pregnant?”

  I turned to face him now.

  “That day when I was off work and wasn’t feeling well, when you stayed at home and worked from your office in the apartment, you took me to the chemist and I brought a test then. I took the test whilst you were in your office.”

  “I asked you that day if you thought you could be pregnant and you said no. Why did you lie to me?”

  “I didn’t lie on purpose, when you brought it up I truly believed it wasn’t possible, but then when I thought about it the dates didn’t add up. I was scared to tell you because we’d never had the discussion about children. I didn’t want to freak you out. I was freaking out enough for the both of us.”

  “I’m nearly thirty five years old Ella, I wouldn’t have freaked out. Of course I want kids, I want a family. I didn’t think I would a few years ago but that all changed when I met you.”

  “I’m sorry, I made a mistake I know that now, but at the time my head was all over the place. I spent the first week pretending it wasn’t happening then I figured if I could get used to the idea of…everything…I could eventually pluck up the courage to tell you.”

  He reached over to hold my hand and I let him. He ran his thumb along my knuckles and sighed sadly.

  “So you come to tell me and find that…woman in here. I swear to God Ella if I ever see her again I won’t be able to hold myself back. She destroyed everything for me, for us that day.”

  “I know, I was hurt and confused. I had to get away to clear my head. All I could think was that she was having your baby too and hers would come first. It would always put mine in second place… second best. She’d have all the firsts, first smile, first steps, first tooth...”

  I started crying then thinking about those firsts that would never happen now and he reached across to pull me onto his lap. In my sorrow I just let him, too consumed with the grief of it all to think that my sitting on his lap like this was giving him mixed messages.

  “You would never ever be second to anything or anyone and neither would our baby. You must know that by now Ella. Why don’t you ever trust me?”

  I looked up into his face, he really couldn’t understand why I didn’t trust him. I realised in that moment that he had put his past behind him and I hadn’t. Where he was confused about my lack of trust it was all pretty clear cut to me. In his eyes he’d always been faithful, never even looked at another woman, but to me he was a serial cheater and I was always waiting for the moment when it would happen to me. We saw things differently, men and women always did I knew that, but this just highlighted how much our outlook on the relationship had differed. Where he was forward thinking, more positive, I was stuck in the past and always trying to find the negative.

  “Truthfully Joe, I don’t know. I can’t get over your past. I can’t believe someone could change like that. Not for me.”

  He looked regretful at my response. I knew that a lot of the issues were mine to deal with. I just hoped he saw that too. He’d had his past thrown back in his face enough to last a lifetime.

  “Well I have…. For you.”

  I couldn’t help putting my head on his chest, it felt natural to sit with him like this.

  “So what happened when you left and went to your Nan’s? Please don’t gloss over it. I want to know exactly what happened and where this Simon fits in.”

  He put both of his arms round me and held me as I recounted the whole sorry tale in as much detail as I could remember. When I was finished we were both crying. He had tears in his eyes and I was full on sobbing.

  “Ella, I’ll never forgive myself for not being there with you.”

  “You can’t say that, you didn’t even know I was pregnant let alone in the hospital.”

  I put my hands on his face and turned him to look at me, I didn’t want him to beat himself up over something he had zero control of. No matter what we’d been through I still loved him.

  Then he leaned forward and he kissed me. Soft gentle lips that tasted of whisky and him. My favourite taste in the whole world. I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him back, all the talk of the baby and emotions it had stirred up made me want the closeness, I wanted to feel something other than this searing painful sadness.

  He deepened the kiss and I felt a familiar stir in my tummy and between my legs. I wanted him, I felt desperate with need for him. I put my hands behind his head and kissed him back with everything I had, raking my nails through his hair. He groaned into me and pushed me down onto the sofa, pressing his heavy hard body over mine. I felt safe and protected by him, but I needed more, I needed closer.

  He continued kissing me his tongue playing and toying with mine as he used one hand to run up the length of my thigh and lift the skirt of my sundress. Then he was pulling, yanking at my underwear, and I let him. I moaned back at him and used both hands to pull on the belt of his jeans and the release the buttons to let his cock spring free. I’d missed him so much I couldn’t wait much longer. I wrapped my fingers round him and rubbed and caressed him as he used his fingers to play with my clit. He pushed his finger inside me and I arched my back into him.

  “I need you.” I gasped without a thought for the consequences.

  “I know.” He groaned back and before I could catch my next breath he knocked my hand away and pushed his cock into me, no build up just zero to one hundred. His size making me gasp and moan at the same time. The way he stretched me felt too good, I’d missed this so much.

  He stilled himself, buried deep inside me and panting over me. He was trying to compose himself.

  “This is gonna be quick Ella, I’ve been without you for so long I’m ready to explode.”

  Then he was pounding into me, making me cry out loud it was feral, animal fucking. It was what we both needed. I grabbed his ass as he thrust into me, over and over again. He was grunting and crying out with me, we couldn’t get enough of each other. Each time he thrust forward he pushed me further and further up that mountain towards the pinnacle of what would be a mind blowing orgasm after being away from him for so long.

  I felt the tingle of nerve endings sparking to life and my muscles started to contract around him, my walls squeezing him and bringing him to his own climax.

  “Fuck Ella control it, wait for me.” He gasped, so I held on as best I could, the delicious pulsing driving me wild as they intensified with each second. I was clinging to him now I was so out of control.

  A few more hard, directed thrusts and then he shouted, “Now, Ella. Come for me baby.”

  My whole body started to shake uncontrollably like some kind of broken washing machine, I was lost to him. My walls around his cock contracted hard and the whole of my pussy exploded around him, my clit throbbing and pulsing out of control, and it went on and on and on. I’d never felt anything like it before. His body went lifeless with the intensity of it all and he lay over me, our joint sweat running off our bodies and our panting so loud I imagined every person in the building had heard us.

  We both lay there for an eternity, getting our breath back and finding our voices. When we were both breathing normally he turned his head and kissed me on the neck and then my cheek.

  “I love you Ella. Please don’t ever leave me again.”

  Shit I had done it again. I’d let him smother me with his affection, that quick sand of lust never failed to trap me, and now I was stuck in the bubble that was Joe. My promise to myself had been broken at the first test. I had zero self-control when it came to him. What had I done?

  I braced myself for the after effects of the volcano that was about to explode next to me. “I’m not coming back to you Joe. I’ve already told you I need time to be by myself.”

  He raised himself up with his arms to loom over me, a look of absolute disbelief on his beautiful face.

  “You played me!”

  “I ha
ven’t played you Joe, we both got carried away.”

  “The fuck you did, you played me. I know when I’m being played Ella. What the fuck was that?”

  “I shouldn’t have let it happen, it was a mistake.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes right now I felt humiliated and embarrassed by my actions.

  “But it happened, fuck did it happen and now you’re gonna act like it was nothing? You want fucking space? Fine I’ll give you all the space you want in our apartment, but I don’t buy your bullshit Ella. This…us…we are not a mistake.”

  I pushed him off me and stood up, grabbing my handbag to leave.

  “Don’t you dare walk away from me Ella!”

  I went to walk to the door, but he put both of his hands on it to stop it opening, trapping me in his arms.

  “I’m not getting back with you Joe, not now. I need time. I’m sorry.”

  He leaned into my neck, I could feel his hot breath against my skin, and goose bumps rose up all over my body.

  “You want some time to think, I’ll give you time, but never ever call us a mistake. I’ll wait for you…for now…but know this Ella. I am coming for you. You’re mine.”

  He dropped his hands to his side now and I opened the door then without a backwards glance I left his office and headed towards the exit. ‘Damn Ella, you need to build a stronger defence if you’re gonna go against a man like Joe’, I told myself. Then I took myself off home to lick my wounds and piece myself back together yet again.

  11

  When I got back to Robyn’s I was relieved to find the house empty. Phew, no awkward explanations about my afternoon and the reason for the flushed look on my face. I jumped in the shower then lay on the sofa to watch cheesy Sunday evening television. I clicked the laptop to life and checked my emails without a thought to what might be there. Sure enough an email from Joe sent an hour ago appeared in my inbox.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Title: The clock is ticking…

  5 Seconds of Summer – Want You Back

  Joe x

  Another YouTube link and I knew exactly what the message in the song would be, it was pretty obvious from the title. What was I supposed to say to that? How could I respond? I closed the laptop and decided silence was the best response, then I lost myself in comforting cups of tea and Robyn’s emergency stash of chocolate biscuits.

  Monday brought in the new week with bright sunshine and unusually higher temperatures for the time of year. Chris and I decided to eat our lunch at the local park across the road from the office, making the most of the sunshine. We found a patch of grass amongst the hordes of office workers who had the same idea as us, and claimed it as ours for our impromptu lunch time picnic. Ten minutes later a shadow appeared over me blocking out the sun.

  “Hi Ella, how you feeling?”

  “Max, what are you doing here? This is a bit out of your way isn’t it?”

  Max shuffled about on his feet looking guilty. He was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt with trainers. So he wasn’t here to work, why was he here?

  “I popped into your office to see if you were okay, that crazy receptionist told me you’d come here for lunch. How you feeling?”

  “I’m okay…I think.” I shrugged up at him and he smiled and sat down next to me.

  “I feel like I’ve been a shitty friend to you lately. I wish you’d have told us all what was going on.”

  Chris chose that point to stand up and make his excuses, saying he had forgotten an important email he needed to send off and needed to get back to the office, but I knew he was giving us chance to talk. He told me not to rush back, he would cover for me with the bosses.

  “I didn’t tell you everything Max because I wasn’t coping well with it myself. I suppose I was burying my head in the sand.”

  “It’s good to have you back Ella.” He looked over at me then blushed, “Joe really missed you, we all did.”

  “Does he know you’re here today?” I asked.

  “No, I’m here as your friend Ella. Nothing to do with Joe. He’s still getting the hate mail you know. They’ve stopped including you in them though thank God.”

  “He didn’t tell me.” I felt worried again, butterflies taking over my tummy and not in a good way. “Has he informed the police yet?”

  “No. He doesn’t seem bothered about it much anymore. Sam is looking into it but Joe said he doesn’t care if they threaten him. He’s used to it.”

  Typical Joe, thinking he was immune from any danger. He even bulldozed through his own life. He would always be an enigma to me. If I had received hate mail as disturbing as his I wouldn’t rest until the culprit had been found.

  Max and I sat chatting and laughing together in the sun until my return to work couldn’t be put off any longer. It was easy to be around Max, he always put me at ease. He was like a comfort blanket; reliable, familiar and calming.

  “I’m glad I saw you today. I missed you Max, I missed our chats. You’re a good friend, one of the good guys.”

  He blushed again, what was up with that? Then we both stood and headed out of the park. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek then left him on the pavement as I headed back into work. I decided I would make more of an effort with Max. I hadn’t been a very good friend to him, to just up and leave him too. Plus I liked being with him, he made me feel good about myself, and that could only be a good thing right?

  When I walked into the office I saw a bouquet of white and red roses sat upon my desk. No prizes for guessing who had sent those. I sat down and opened the envelope to see what words of wisdom he was sending me this time.

  My Beautiful Ella,

  White roses for honesty, red roses for passion. I have always been honest with you, I always will. Together we have passion and honesty in our relationship.

  I will wait for you, but I’ve told you before I’m not a patient man and I will be coming back to claim you Ella, very soon. You own me Ella. Always.

  Your Joe x

  I added the card to the large collection of previous messages in my handbag and moved the flowers to sit them on the cupboard behind me at the back of the office. I couldn’t afford to be distracted every five minutes with his words playing on my mind, which I would have been if I’d left them sitting on my desk.

  “I’d throw them in the bin if you don’t want them.” Colin said.

  “I didn’t say I don’t want them, they’re just too big for my desk.” I replied.

  Colin could be an insensitive ass sometimes. No wonder he was single.

  “How’s your dog Colin?” I attempted to make an effort with him, even though he was pissing me off right now.

  “He had an operation over the weekend and he’s improving, thanks Ella.” He visibly relaxed then. “I’m surprised you remembered.”

  “Of course, I remembered. It’s your dog, your fur baby. I’m glad he’s on the mend. You must have had a tough weekend.”

  “I did. I’m okay now though. Thanks Ella.” Then Colin actually smiled at me. I’d never seen him smile before, not once.

  “It looks good on you.” I said.

  “What?” He looked genuinely puzzled at me.

  “The smile. It looks good on you Colin. You’re always so serious. Life is for living, you should get out and enjoy it sometimes.”

  He smiled again and nodded.

  “You’re right Ella. I will.”

  I smiled to myself and got to work on my inbox, feeling like I’d made some headway as far as Colin was concerned. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

  “You know I think I got you all wrong Ella.” Colin said out of nowhere.

  “Erm, I’m not sure how to take that Colin.” I replied honestly.

  “I thought you were one of those girls that’s so preoccupied with their own life they couldn’t care less what was happening with other people, but you’re not are you.” Classic Colin, always brutally honest no matter what.

  �
��I sure hope not. I was brought up to care about others Colin. I’m sorry if I haven’t shown that lately.”

  “Maybe I wasn’t looking hard enough, not paying enough attention.”

  “Well, thanks for…being wrong I guess.” I said frowning. What a weird afternoon this was turning out to be.

  “I’m rarely wrong Ella, but with you I was.”

  I kept my head down and carried on working, Colin was weirding me out right now.

  12

  Friday night, my favourite night of the week. Our plans were set in place and we were going to paint the town red. First stop Après, and a few cheeky shots of tequila to get us in the mood. The place was packed with a good crowd and the music was pumping throughout the place. I grabbed a table by the dancefloor as Robyn got the drinks in and Chris… well he looked like he was stalking around the bar looking for someone.

  “You expecting company tonight?” I asked him as he begrudgingly sat on a tall bar stool next to me with a face like thunder. He was fidgeting like a child and looked uncomfortable being here.

  “Edward, that hot boss guy I told you about said he’d be here tonight. I was hoping to catch him but it looks like he bailed.”

  Ah, he was more serious about this guy than he wanted to let on. He was in panic mode at the moment thinking he’d been stood up. I could understand that completely. I really hoped that this guy would show up and make Chris’s night. He deserved to be settled and happy.

  “He’s probably running late, you know city traffic and all that. Don’t panic Romeo I’m sure he’ll make it eventually.”

  Robyn came over with a tray piled with shot glasses and glasses of wine.

  “I like your thinking.” I winked at her.

  “Start as we mean to go on hey.” Robyn replied downing a shot and winking back at me. Chris wasn’t bothered with the drinks in front of him, he was like a cat on a hot tin roof and couldn’t stay still.

  Soon the drinks were really flowing and Robyn and I were part gossiping and part dancing at the table. Chris was distracted, his eyes on the door constantly. His poor little face a picture of anxiety.